


Remus' and Frank's guide to...

by marauders4life



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Friendship, Guide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-04 15:33:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10993806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marauders4life/pseuds/marauders4life
Summary: Remus and Frank give advice on everyday things within the wizarding world, sometimes with humorous results. This started on tumblr.





	1. Remus' and Frank's guide to...Friendship

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters and settings are the propriety of J.K Rowling and Warner Brothers Pictures. This story may feature some original characters that I have made up, but it will be stated if and when this changes.

RL: Wow, this one is a huge one for me. Growing up I didn’t know anyone my age and when I first came here I tried to push people away, because of my “furry little problem”. Don’t do what I did, and close yourself off. Find people that share common interests with you, or sometimes opposites attract, that’s what happened to me and the other guys: James, Sirius, Peter and I had nothing in common at first. Honestly, I thought that I would be closer to Frank and Evans. By the way Evans doesn’t like me too much, but at least I’m not James. I’m grateful for my friends, they’ve helped me out a lot. Basically what I’m trying to say is be yourself, I just kind of said it in a long winded way. Oh, also pro-tip the library is a great place to make friends.

FL: I completely agree with everything Remus said, it’s important to be yourself. I kinda had a different experience to Remus. I already knew Dori (Dorcas) and Marlene pretty well before I came here. I actually didn’t know many others though, I mean I knew of Sirius because of his family’s history, I was pretty scared of him for that reason. Also going along with the common interests idea join a club, there’s all sorts of ones here, or if you like sport you could try out for the Quidditch team if you’re above 1st year. Remus do I even have to ask about what type of people you meet in the library?

RL: Probably not, but Sirius has become quite fond of the library lately.

FL: I wonder why?

RL: I have no idea.


	2. Remus’ and Frank’s guide to: Staying out of detention at Hogwarts...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Frank give advice on everyday things within the wizarding world, sometimes with humorous results. This started on tumblr.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters and settings are the propriety of J.K Rowling and Warner Brothers Pictures. This story may feature some original characters that I have made up, but it will be stated if and when this changes.

RL: “I’m not proud to admit this, but we do manage to find ourselves in detention quite a lot…”  
FL: “Me less than you though, I’m not one of “The Marauders”.”  
RL: “No, but James and Sirius think of you as an honorary Marauder, so that counts.”   
FL: “Oh Merlin’s pants. Ok, I think we need to stop getting distracted and we should start working on this list.”  
RL: “Agreed.”

1\. Don’t start a food fight in the Great Hall  
RL: Ok, it’ll probably become clear after a while, but yes we have done most of these things. In first year the Prewett twins caused chaos by making food fly at the Slytherin table.  
FL: They had the whole hall doing it by the end of it. We all had to stay and clean it up. It took hours.

2\. Don’t plant a garden in a Professor’s office (unless it’s Professor Sprout)  
FL: Wow, this one is taking it back. What better way to make a first impression, than to give Professor Slughorn a heart-attack. How did you even get those plants into his office, Remus?  
RL: We used the Hover Charm.We were young and impressionable, I think this may have been the first proper Marauders prank. But I wouldn’t attempt it, Professor Slughorn was pretty mad, he gave us our first ever detention.

3\. Never call Professor Minerva McGonagall, Minnie, Gryffinmama, or Whiskers  
RL: Ok, I’ll take this one, because I’m the one that gave Professor Mcgonagall the name Whiskers. There’s actually a story behind it. It’s kinda funny too, Peter and I found her wandering around the seventh floor in cat form. She was trailing the Prewett’s, which we didn’t know at the time, but we adapted her and named her Whiskers. But it became a running joke, once we started going by our nicknames and she got pretty tired of it. Ok, Minnie was Sirius’ nickname for her and it’s gotten him into a lot of trouble.Don’t be tempted to call her Gryffinmama, unless you want to end up in the Black Lake.

4\. Never flirt with Professor McGonagall (she will destroy you)  
FL: I actually think that this goes for all the teachers, but the last time James tried this on Mcgonagall, she gave him a months detention and made him clean out the owlery. He stank us out of the dormitory.  
RL: Actually Dumbledore’s pretty cool about it. Sirius asked him to meet him in Hogsmeade once, which was pretty funny. But Mcgonagall is a big no-no, Sirius learned that the hard way. 

5\. Don’t charm food to follow people around or make food hit people  
FL: Can we point you in the direction of one James Potter? This is a particular hobby of his.I don’t know how many times he’s done this and not just to his enemies.

6\. If James, Peter, or Sirius ever say “I have a good idea” run as fast as you can  
FL: I think this is self explanatory.   
RL: Yep, it is.

7\. Don’t make out/hook up in classrooms  
FL: Didn’t Professor Flitwick walk in on you and Sirius making out in his classroom?   
RL: No it was Marlene and Sirius he walked in on and we’re not supposed to mention it anymore. He’ll hex us if he finds out we mentioned it.  
FL: Either way it didn’t work out too well.  
RL: Not unless you count Sirius getting his rocks off.

8\. Don’t hex people (unless you’re practicing in class)  
RL: Do I have to bring up the Bertram Aubrey incident?   
FL: Or do we have to mention anything to do with Snape?

9\. Don’t use the full moon as an excuse not to do homework  
RL: This is just disrespectful, it doesn’t work. Just do the work you’re supposed to. The full moon isn’t a laughing matter.  
FL: What Remus said, also James, Peter and Sirius need to stop doing this.

10\. Don’t let Peeves talk you into some stupid prank  
FL: This is the rabbit hole that many 1st years fall into. Don’t listen to Peeves please, we don’t want to be picking you out of the lake.  
RL: Never trust Peeves unless you can handle him.

11\. Don’t fill the Great hall with Thestrals  
FL: Remus, is there something I should know?  
RL: Nope, nothing at all.  
FL: That I don’t believe, you see Remus has been known to rescue anything he thinks needs help, hence why Professor Mcgonagall now makes us sign a sign out sheet.  
RL: Ok, so I’m not supposed to save them from the rain?  
FL: No you’re not, they’re bad luck.  
RL: You’re just scared

12\. Don’t do anything to Mrs. Norris  
RL: I hate that stupid cat, actually I hate Filch. He’s a nightmare. You can’t do anything without him giving you detention.  
FL: I think everyone would agree with that.


	3. Remus' and Frank's guide to: Things the Marauders aren't allowed to do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Frank give advice on everyday things within the wizarding world, sometimes with humorous results. This started on tumblr.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters and settings are the propriety of J.K Rowling and Warner Brothers Pictures. This story may feature some original characters that I have made up, but it will be stated if and when this changes.

RL: Ok, so Professor Mcgonagall found out that Frank and I were making this guide, and she told us that this should be our next one. I can’t think why.  
FL: I think I’m going to enjoy learning something new.  
RL: Be prepared then, cause there’s a lot.

1\. The Marauders are not allowed to give people detention on behalf of the Head boy…  
RL: Uh, I don’t think this applies to me…I’m a prefect and we can give people detention and we can take points from people in our own house, it’s also not on the orders of the Head boy and Head girl.  
FL: Yeah, I think it’s a Peter and Sirius thing, they tried to give a first year detention because they looked at them funny.

2\. The Marauders are not allowed to “borrow” each others prefect badges…  
RL: Ok, this only happened once…  
FL: Twice actually  
RL: When did that happen?  
FL: A few months ago, I wore James’ jumper with his badge on it.  
RL: Oh yeah, I forgot. It’s usually Sirius that wears mine. The House-elves refuse to clean our dormitory anymore, so sometimes we end up wearing each others clothes.

3\. The Marauders are not allowed to call Professor Dumbledore Saint Patrick…  
RL: Haha, I’m half Welsh and if you know the story of Saint Patrick then you get why this is funny. But yeah, it was a bad idea to explain the story to James and Sirius. They started calling him that because of the snake thing and how Dumbledore is the only one that Voldemort fears.  
FL: Do you really have to say You-Know-Who’s name? This has nothing to do with religion, just snakes. 

4\. The Marauders are not allowed to slip any sort of potion to Snivellus or Regulus just to see what happens…  
FL: Remember the amortentia incident?  
RL: Hell yeah I do. Regulus followed Meadows’ about for a week. He had to go to Madam Pomfrey to get an antidote.  
FL: I never laughed so hard in my life.  
RL: I know it was genius.

5\. The Marauders are not allowed to throw a pool party in the Prefect’s bathroom…  
FL: Why wasn’t I invited?  
RL: Because you would have encountered three animagi and a fully grown werewolf.  
FL: Wait what?  
RL: I transformed in the bathroom because there was a cave-in in the shack, so Dumbledore locked me in there and told the other prefects to avoid it. You know that suitcase that I got for my birthday two years ago?  
FL: Yeah, the one that contains it’s own environment.  
RL: Well, we kinda used that to sneak the other three into the bathroom and we had a party in the pool sized bath.  
FL: I wish I was animagus, that sounds like fun.

6\. The Marauders are not allowed to fill student’s goblets with firewhiskey at any point…  
RL: I wasn’t involved in this, not my idea. I actually think it was Peter’s idea.  
FL: Yeah, it sounds like him. I had the worst headache ever the day after.  
RL: I seriously don’t understand how people didn’t realise.

7\. The Marauders are not allowed to reenact Jack and the Beanstalk every time they see Hagrid…  
FL: Oh boy.  
RL: Damn, I forgot this happened.

8\. The Marauders are not allowed to set fire to their dormitory, just because they saw a spider…  
FL: This is one of the reasons why the House-elves won’t clean our room. Peter hates spiders.  
RL: We don’t clean too much, so I seriously don’t enjoy staying in our room.

9\. The Marauders are not allowed to ask girls to stay in their dormitory overnight…  
RL: Right ok, Sirius is the reason behind this rule. When we were in third year the seventh floor flooded in a storm and Professor Mcgonagall found Mckinnon in Sirius’ bed. She went nuts.  
FL: That actually was funny. 

10\. The Marauders are not allowed to turn the Black Lake into a skating rink and charge a fee for it’s usage…  
RL: Well we didn’t freeze it, it was the middle of winter and Sirius wanted to make some money.  
FL: Yeah, James is a millionaire so he doesn’t need it.

11\. The Marauders are not allowed to use Polyjuice potion under any circumstances…  
FL: Sirius and Peter stole some from Slughorn in third year.  
RL: They used it to turn themselves into us, with some disastrous effects, because it’s only supposed to be made with human hair.

12\. The Marauders are not allowed to paint the Dark Mark on the wall outside the Slytherin common room…  
FL: That was classic.  
RL: We got in so much trouble.


	4. Remus' and Frank's guide to:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Frank give advice on everyday things within the wizarding world, sometimes with humorous results. This started on tumblr.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters and settings are the propriety of J.K Rowling and Warner Brothers Pictures. This story may feature some original characters that I have made up, but it will be stated if and when this changes.

Remus' and Frank's guide to: Gobstones  
FL: Haha, Remus is the master of Gobstones. He’s beaten Dumbledore more than once.

RL: This is the result of picking topics out of a hat. I’m not a master of Gobstones though, the Gobstones club won’t even let me in because of the trouble that I get in.

1\. How old is Gobstones?  
FL: It’s unknown  
RL: It’s one of our oldest games.

2\. Is it like any games in the Muggle world?  
RL: Yes, it is like a Muggle game called marbles. But unlike marbles you will get hit in the face with putrid liquid if you lose a point.  
FL: I’m absolutely terrible at Gobstones and I’ve never played marbles

3\. Are there variations in the game?  
FL: Yes there are, but I can’t remember the differences  
RL: There’s three: “Classic”-you try to knock seven gobstones outside the circle before your opponent does.   
“Jack Stone”-after four shots, your gobstone must be close to the Jack Stone.  
“Snake Pit”- this is like Jack Stone only there’s a pit.

4\. How do you win the game?  
FL: You start of with fifteen gobstones and the person that captures all their opponents gobstones wins. That’s right isn’t it?  
RL: Yep.

5\. Are there any clubs or leagues for Gobstones?  
FL: Yes, there are, in fact Hogwarts has many clubs dedicated to the sport.   
RL: I’m pretty sure that there’s a world championship for it too. There’s national leagues I know that.

6\. How popular is Gobstones?  
RL: It’s nowhere near as popular as Quidditch and Wizard’s chess, and most people who play it are what muggles would refer to as “nerds”.  
FL: Hence why you’re a great king of the nerds.  
RL: Am not…  
FL: Are too…


End file.
